Fifty Shades of Grey Wines

It’s the “literally” that got me.

I was shopping for Riesling the other day. In the wine store I frequent, the Rieslings are shelved next to the American white blends, and my attention was snagged by a “Fifty Shades of Grey” label.

I’m sure you’re at least aware of the “Fifty Shades” books by E.L. James. This trilogy of beach-ready…I guess you’d call it “BDSM-lite erotica” was all the rage a couple of years ago amongst some broad swaths of the population. I was not covered by one of those swaths, and those books had receded from my mind except for a brief conversation with a co-worker disappointed because Charlie Hunnam was no longer playing Christian Grey in the upcoming film adaptations of the books, with the first due in theaters around Valentine’s Day. 

According to the website, the wines are designed by James herself. The bottles and corks both bear the slogan “You. Are. Mine.” – a sentiment somewhat central to the trilogy’s ostensible plot. I discovered a passage in the novel centering on the protagonist, Anastasia Steele, receiving a punishment if she spilled wine. That particular passage begins like this:

”He reaches down, and from his pants pocket, he takes out his silver grey silk tie… that silver grey woven tie that leaves small impressions of its weave on my skin. He moves so quickly, sitting astride me as he fastens my wrists together, but this time, he ties the other end of the tie to one of the spokes of my white iron headboard. He pulls at my binding, checking it’s secure. I’m not going anywhere. I’m tied, literally, to my bed, and I’m so aroused.”

The recovering English major in me thought, "Gah! What’s that word doing there? How else would she be tied to her bed? Figuratively? Tangentially? Is Anastasia Steele somehow related to Chris Traeger, Rob Lowe’s character on Parks & Recreation?"

The scene goes on from there, eventually arriving at Anastasia’s proclamation of herself as “just one ball of sexual, tense, need.” Anais Nin or D.H. Lawrence this isn’t. Heck, from my perspective, it’s barely Cinemax.

But I digress. We’re not here to discuss the ins and outs of Anastasia and Christian’s adventures. We’re here to talk about what’s under the cork. There are two Fifty Shades wines created by ol’ E.L. herself – a red and a white, both blends. 

The first I tried was the White Silk White. White Silk is a mischievous little blend of Gewurztraminer and Sauvignon Blanc. I found it intensely floral and tropical on the nose – strong enough that the bouquet comes through right out of the fridge like a chilled, overripe lychee nut. (An overly-cold wine usually loses much of its bouquet.) The main flavors are the tropical fruits – pineapple especially – from the Sauvignon Blanc. The finish is slightly sweet and lasting. There’s also just a little sting of pepper at the end from the Gewurz. I found it relatively decent. On the website, it lists for $18, but the retail in my wine shop was $16.

Next came the Red Satin Red. “What would I do,” I mused, “If I were trying to appeal to fans of these books who often, in my experience, start oenological conversations with ‘I don’t like dry red wine.’ What sorts of sensual stimulations would I layer to tease, to tempt, to make them raise that scarlet-filled glass, hesitantly of course, to their lips? What would E.L. James do? I think I’d make a wine that smelled like dark, sumptuous red fruit – cherries and plums. I’d need some chocolate flavors, but there definitely can’t be a lot of tannin. The wine would need to go down as easily as one of Christian’s concubines and finish with just a little dryness to make it a little naughty to a palate not used to tannin. In short, a straightforward inexpensive California merlot.” 

When I cracked the bottle, I discovered that the wine reflected my little tasting note fantasy to a T. However, instead of merlot, the Red Satin is a “blend of primarily Petit Sirah and Syrah.” 

“Primarily,” of course, can mean a lot of things. In this case, they’ve taken two intensely flavored grapes and blended them with some unnamed varietals to tone them down. The Red Satin is a perfectly drinkable wine, but overpriced at $18. If you’re looking for a wine that begs for chocolate and a trashy novel, I’d still suggest that sluggable merlot for about $7-8 less.

As I was trying to get the Fifty Shades wines out of the store without drawing too much attention, I also noticed few other bottles with entendre-laden monikers, which I also snagged -- for comparison’s sake, of course:

PromisQous (NV) California White Table Wine – This white is a blend of primarily Chardonnay, Chenin Blanc, Gewurztraminer, with a few “other white varietals.” It’s crafted with the same flavor idea as the White Silk – Gewurztraminer provides strong floral notes and lychee flavors, but since it’s a chardonnay-based blend instead of sauvignon blanc, it’s got more creaminess and the flavors run closer to melon than citrus. There’s a little acidic zip from some added chenin blanc balancing the residual sweetness. I thought it was another easy drinking wine, but with a little more structure and backbone than the Fifty Shades. It’s also a few dollars cheaper at $10-12.

Now, its darker complement, the PromisQous (NV) California Red Table Wine, did not fare so well. Simply, this was a $9 red wine that tastes like…well…a $9 red wine. Honestly, there’s nothing really outstanding to distinguish this plonky plonk plonk. One of my friends in the wine biz describes wines like this as “pop tart wines,” meaning it’s more or less indistinguishable from other similar, inexpensive wines -- the way you can't really tell a flavor difference between the various types of Pop-Tarts. I wouldn’t suggest spending your shekels on something so generic.

Folie a Deux (NV) “Menage a Trois” White Wine – This naughty sounding number is another floral-scented blend, this one a mix of Chardonnay, Moscato, and Chenin Blanc. This simple quaffer is lighter-bodied than both of the other whites. I found some good flavors of melon and peach on the palate, with a very light, tangeriney finish. Of the three whites, I think this one was probably my favorite, because it didn’t have that residual sugar “thickness” and  was a little more harmonious and restrained (since we’re focused on restraints) than the other two. Good value at around $10.

As for the Folie a Deux (NV) Menage a Trois Red, the best I can say is that it wasn’t quite as plonky as the PromisQous. There was a hint of vanilla lurking somewhere in the mix and a wee bit of tannin at the end. Another $9-10 entry. Take it for what it’s worth…literally.

P.S. This remains my favorite interpretation of the novels. And yes, NSFW:

Savanna Wines

"I was lucky enough to be introduced to Barolo by Bartolo Mascarello -- a really well known producer who unfortunately isn't with us anymore. He poured a glass, I reached for it and he said, 'No, no...you need to wait.' We sat there for a long time, trying other wines, before he finally said that it was ready to drink. [pause, deep breath] He was right..."

I'm used to tones other than those of wistful remembrance coming from the mouth of an adult film actress.

A few months ago, a friend of mine sent me a link to a 2006 article in the New York Times entitled "Naked Came the Vintner." The article was about the winemaking venture undertaken by Savanna Samson, who saw winemaking as her "career parachute" for the day she decides to step away from Vivid Video and the rest of the adult film world.

[However, she's still going strong on that front with several upcoming movies -- including two with Holly Sampson, one of Tiger Woods' alleged paramours. In case you're interested, her very NSFW home on the web is here.]

Celebrity winemaking is nothing new. Most of the time, it's a fundraising opportunity or a quick way to make a few bucks on the side. A few (Greg Norman, Francis Coppola, etc.) made a legitimate name for themselves and others (Maynard James Keenan) seem to be on that track. Savanna's self-described "porn wine" would likely have been shunted into the first category...that is, if Robert Parker hadn't given Savanna's first wine -- an Italian red blend called "Sogno Uno" (Dream One) -- 90 points in Wine Advocate. 90 points from Parker lent her instant street cred in the wine world, and a flurry of publicity followed.

I was intrigued. I sent a note to Savanna Wines, asking if I could review a couple of the wines for The Vine. Her business manager, Brian Corbin, sent me a couple of samples. Savanna was generous enough to spare a few minutes from the Pornutopia convention in Houston in December for a phone interview.

Savanna said she views the winemaking as "her own personal journey." She says that she has a vision of the flavors she wants to share and she "searches for that reflection." In searching for this vision, she enlisted the aid of an Italian vintner named Roberto Cipresso. Cipresso, who worked with the Vatican at one point, helped her put together the blend of Cesanese and Sangiovese that won her Parker's approval. Cipresso also helped her create her second and third wines, called "Sogno Due" and "Sogno Tre."

She says that she's focused, for now, on Italian varietals because she's "completely in love with Tuscany, and she can't get enough Sangiovese." However, she says that she's under at least some pressure to expand her portfolio -- pressure that she says she accepts readily:

"My distributor [Southern Wine & Spirits] would love for me to build a consistent portfolio of wines, but I would rather do it my way and keep experimenting for awhile to find things that I think are truly unique. I really enjoy using grapes like Falanghina [the primary grape in Sogno Due] that aren't as well known in the States. I've started up a relationship with Eos Estate Winery in Paso Robles and Roberto is going to come over from Italy to try working with American grapes, so we're really excited about that. I also plan to invade France. I'm going there in the end of February to work with Moutard, one of the Champagne houses, on a personal blend for a sparkling wine."

[The Vine attempted to contact both Moutard Pere et Fils and Eos Estate for comment. Moutard did not return the inquiry. Nathan Carlson, winemaker at Eos, has worked on celebrity wines with Vince Neil of Motley Crue and for the 100th anniversary of the Indianapolis 500. However, he said that he has not been approached by Samson.]

I asked her to compare the Parker rating with winning her first AVN award (the adult film Oscar, more or less, which she won for a film called "Looking In"): "I was honestly thrilled that he wanted to try it, since he was in the midst of tasting Chateauneuf-de-Pape at the time...When I saw that I'd gotten the 90, I was floored -- and it was really a similar feeling, because I really felt like I was appreciated for something I really put my heart into." Although, as she playfully told both the NYT reporter and myself, "He should have given it a 93."

She said that this experience really hasn't changed her palate -- rather, it's helped her understand it more fully: "I remember when I started drinking Bordeaux, and I just didn't know what to call some of those flavors -- ice cream cones? Manure? Old boots? But the more I learn, the more I'm able to say that this is what I'm looking for."

So, what about the wines themselves? Needless to say, I was rather curious, so without further adieu:

Savanna Wines 2005 Sogno Due -- As I noted above, this wine is made of 100% Falanghina grown in Campania. Savanna said that although this was her second wine, it was the first "really made for her taste." I thought that the nose was very light and gently fruity. The Sweet Partner in Crime said that it smelled like "peach flavored mineral water." After it opens a bit, there's a little woody scent that emerges, which is interesting since there's no oak used in production. It's a very light-bodied wine, as are most made with this varietal, but this one's light even comparatively. It's very smooth and easy to drink -- almost too easy, to be honest. There's tartness there -- but it's closer to a "pineappley" tartness rather than a citrus. The finish is very gentle and peachy, drifting softly away. After a little bit of time, the finish becomes slightly astringent rather than acidic. With a medium bodied soup, it fared reasonably well, although I'd say that it's probably best as an aperitif or for drinking on a rocky beach in summertime. I've seen this listed on average at around $17. The new vintage of Sogno Due is scheduled for release in June 2010, so I'll revisit it if it's available.

Savanna Wines 2005 Sogno Tre -- A 100% Barbera that "improves with some aeration," according to the tasting notes. I would concur. After an hour open, it's still very tart and tight, and it definitely improves after being decanted or run through an aerator. There's an interesting floral note to the nose, as well as some cherry. It's got a bit of an alcoholic fume, so it requires a good swirl. The flavor, like many Barbera, is dominated by tart cherry with some fairly strong acidity. The finish is relatively long and tart, finishing with gradually increasing tannin and some more acidity. There's a quality local pizza place nearby, and one of my favorite pairings with Barbera is a good pepperoni pizza. The acidity in Barbera generally gets smoothed out by the fat in the meat. With the wine's tannic structure, I thought it would be a good match. It wasn't bad. The flavor turned slightly grapey initially, but after a slice, it was pleasant enough pairing. It didn't blow me away, but it was relatively solid. The price point on this wine is $45-50, which honestly gave me a bit of sticker shock.

I asked Savanna about the "freshness" of both wines, since most Falanghina are made to be drunk relatively young and many Barbera can near the end of their peak after five years. She assured me that both wines are still in their prime. These particular samples may have gone through something to accelerate their aging, however, as they seemed like they might be a bit past peak. I'd be curious to hear what others think about them.